Vampire Diaries Episode 5 Review – YOU’RE UNDEAD TO ME

It was excellent to begin this week’s new episode of The Vampire Diaries TV series “You’re Undead to Me” with evil, mean Damon lying weak and helpless on the floor in a jail cell. After spending the first four episodes watching him torture Stefan, it was refreshing to see Stefan in charge for a change. Although, I suspect that he will not be in there for long, I’m going to enjoy his weakness while it lasts.

Elena doesn’t know that Stefan is at home keeping tabs on Damon in his jail cell; she just knows he’s not called her in four days. She tells Jenna that she is not worried about it and that she won’t let any relationship rule her life. Which translates to “I can’t believe he hasn’t called and I’m so mad.”

We then see Vicki brushing her teeth in Elena’s house as well as Jenna planning a date with Logan, a local reporter. Is everybody finding their man tonight in the Vampire Diaries show?

Bonnie and Caroline are in the hall at school talking about the violent situation between Damon and Caroline when it becomes obvious that Caroline is in major denial about Damon’s abuse.

Stefan finds Elena at school after his disappearing act, asking for a chance to explain. He makes a date to meet her at The Grill but not before Caroline shows up to ask Stefan about Damon. Stefan informs Caroline that Damon will not be back, ever, and once again mysteriously avoids any kind of questions about what he’s been doing. Later, we see Caroline and Bonnie at Caroline’s house where Caroline reveals that she’s been suffering from serious memory loss. Bonnie knows something is not quite right with Caroline’s story but she just listens and plays with a candle trying to recreate last week’s Vampire Diaries episode fire starter trick.

This whole time we are still wondering what is going on with Damon so we happily return to him trapped in the jail cell talking to his “uncle” Zack who plans to leave town rather than have to deal with his evil “nephew”. Damon (the snake) makes a last ditch attempt to kill his uncle but Stefan is there just in time to stop him and tells Damon to “keep it up, the more energy you expend, the faster you will go”.
Stefan then leaves to meet Elena at The Grill. She’s eager to begin her “grill” session. Stefan shows up an hour late but at least she had Matt there to keep her company and listen to her boyfriend problems. Matt seems like a pretty nice guy. He swallows his pride and tells Elena that Stefan is actually not so bad; we all know that Matt really wants Elena all for himself but for now he’s putting his feelings aside.

Needless to say, Elena’s not in the best of moods for the next round of excuses from Stefan. Elena still wants to believe there is a logical explanation for all of this. She starts to listen to him explain his confusing and chaotic life when a stranger walks by, turns around to face Stefan and says “I know you. You’ve not aged at all.”

Uh oh.

Stefan brushes it off as nothing but Elena is tired is his excuses and his unwillingness to confide in her. She leaves him standing in The Grill wondering how he’s going to salvage their relationship.

Finally we get back to that new story thread started in last week’s Vampire Diaries on the CW episode. The Sheriff and Logan are plotting their vampire hunt when Jenna shows up for her date with him. He seems happy to see her but we all know there is an ulterior motive behind their date and you are left wondering – is he going to hurt her again? After a brief moment with Jenna and Logan, we jump back to Elena who is still is mad at Stefan for being so secretive. At Jeremy’s prompting, she goes down to the kitchen to make something to eat. Surprise! Stefan is there, cooking a homemade meal. She is more than happy to let him cook as he talks about himself – telling her about Katherine, her looks, her laugh, her temperament plus his reading preferences, his favorite TV shows and his taste in music. Unfortunately Elena cuts her finger while he’s talking and Stefan’s face goes all vamp when he sees her blood. She puts his new vampire look down to her imagination (is she in denial or what?) and he lies and says he had something in his eye. They move one from that moment and end up engaging in their favorite pastime: smoochie, smoochie. Their happiness is likely to be short lived because you next see Damon in the jail cell calling Caroline with his vampire lure – it’s probably a done deal that he will be out before very long.

There is a “sexy” car wash fundraiser underway – hot bodies everywhere. Stefan and Elena have a mutual strip-off with Matt sadly looking on. At this event Bonnie mistakenly uses her psychic powers to soak a mean girl who makes fun of a guy with an old car. Jenna and Logan hook up in the parking lot, reminiscing about their make-out session in the good old days. Caroline, who is running the car wash, is being constantly stalked by Damon’s special raven, working to get her alone so he can compel her to to come help him out of his vervain predicament.

Out of nowhere comes the stranger from The Grill to have his car washed. Elena grills him (ha ha) about why he thinks he knows Stefan. He tells her that he knew Stefan and Damon in 1953 and he mentions remembering their rings – the ones that protect them from the sunlight. Elena doesn’t let Stefan know about her suspicions but asks Logan to let her look at old news archives – leading to the requirement for a dinner date between Jenna and Logan to allow Elena access to the archives. Elena definitely suspects something is up – but does she think Stefan and Damon are vampires?

Caroline walks up to the front of the Salvatore house where Damon is locked up, lured in by his power. She is worried about Damon and she stupidly opens his cell door even as she accuses him of biting her. Zack runs in – just in time – to tell her to RUN as Damon kills him. You pretty much think her goose is cooked as Damon chases her through the house, looking for a meal after his lock-up, and she races out the front door, into the sun when . . . oops . . . Stefan took Damon’s ring so he starts to burn. At this point he’s one very angry vamp.

Could things get any worse? Of course they could.

Back at the car wash Bonnie sets a car on fire and Stefan – who momentarily stopped paying attention to his captive in the mansion – stops Bonnie from burning down the town. We only see somebody’s car go up in flames.

Jeremy and Vicki are in the local cemetery getting high when Jeremy realizes that she’s stolen Elena’s pills, confronts her about her loser friends and stalks away in anger and disgust.

Meanwhile Elena researches the town archives for facts on Stefan’s past and finds old video footage from 1953 about an animal mauling of a Salvatore boarding house resident. In the video the nephew of the victim is seen standing in the shadows looking remarkably (or perhaps, exactly) like Stefan. Elena starts putting two and two together. She recalls his reaction when she cut her hand.

We end this installment of the Vampire Diaries episodes with Damon finally finishing his “unfinished” business with Vicki. Not a pretty ending – there’s no seductive blood-taking here. I suspect she dies since she survived an earlier attack.

And lastly, Elena confronts Stefan with the all important question:

“What are you?”

What will he tell her? Will she freak out if she learns the truth? You’ll need to watch the next episode of The Vampire Diaries to find out…..