Fantasy Book Review – Real Vampires Have Curves!
If you’re a vampire book reader you know that when you’re “turned” into a vampire you generally maintain the physical attributes you had at your moment of transformation. Sure, some vampires end up becoming more beautiful but for the most part, you’re stuck with what ya’ got.
Such is the case for Glory St. Clair. Unfortunately for her, she got turned on a day when she was bloated. And a few pounds overweight. Thus begins the hilarious escapades of Glory, the plus-sized female vampire with a fierce fashion sense.
Glory has just decided to move to Austin, Texas to open a new vintage clothing store. After you’ve been alive for a few hundred years you tend to accumulate a lot of stuff, especially if you love clothes like Glory does. As such she’s got the perfect wardrobe with which to stock a vintage store.
Coincidentally, her former lover also lives in Austin (okay, maybe that’s not such a coincidence). Glory and Jeremy Blade have had a love/hate relationship for many years. So Glory is apprehensive about meeting Blade again – she’s not sure if there’s still a spark between them.
In the meantime, she’s got to get moved in and open the store. Fortunately her new neighbor, a stunning female werewolf, is looking for a job and the two of them soon become fast friends. Glory also reconnects with several of her vampire friends in the area, including a lovable gay couple, an overbearing Countess, a lovestruck but street-smart femme fatale, and a wisecracking supernatural guard dog with a weakness for Cheetos and Twinkies. Yes, this book has quite the cast of characters.
But all is not well in Austin. A team of professional vampire hunters led by a ruthless billionaire game hunter is in town. And he’s set his sights on Glory and her friends. He doesn’t care that they’ve sworn off human blood in lieu of synthetic. In his mind all vampires are evil and must be destroyed. So between selling 50’s pencil skirts and twinsets, Glory has to watch her back. This is where the fun really begins. Glory acknowledges the danger, but resents having to be protected and so inadvertently puts herself in the cross hairs of the killers. It’s often up to Valdez, the smart talking guard dog, to keep her in line and protect her:
“I’m fading fast Glory. It’s been swell knowing you. Say good-bye to Florence for me.”
He licked my hand.
“Could you call me puppy one more time? I liked that.” He groaned. “I just wish I had time for a farewell bag of Cheetos.”
Okay, so he failed one time. But he quickly recovered and was back on the job in a jiffy.
Gerry Bartlett does a good job with character development and successfully moves the plot along at a steady pace. A good portion of the book focuses on the vamps’ attempts to capture the hunters while avoiding capture themselves. The book nicely integrates humor with more serious subjects like love lost and death while maintaining believability. Smatterings of intrigue and a hint of distrust amongst friends create a fairly well rounded storyline.
I wouldn’t categorize this as a vampire romance book – it’s got so many funny scenes (in particular between the two main characters) that the romance, although prevalent, is more of a secondary element in the book. I found the book to be a light, fun, and entertaining read that’s perfect for a long drive during a vacation. It’s so upbeat and its characters are so likable that I found it lifted my mood each time I picked it up. Get Real Vampires Have Curves at local bookstores or online.
