Everything Is Broken in True Blood Episode 9

Here are the Top 10 Highlights of tonight’s episode of True Blood

#10 - Sookie and Bill make wild love in the shower. Oops, was that Bill’s naughty bit I just glimpsed?

#9 - Sookie isn’t one to cuddle after sex. Afterwards, she confronts Bill about a secret file he has on her. He explains that he started the file in order to learn more about her background and understand why Eric is so interested in her.

#8 - Eric bar, Fangtasia gets searched by a vampire from the AVL (American Vampire League) who brings troops with her. Looks like the AVL is pretty hi-tech with their weapons, webcams and monitors. Eric rats out Russell Edgington and tells the AVL rep and The Authority that Russell is giving blood to werewolves and plans to build his power base, regardless of what The Authority and the AVL think. The AVL unofficially gives Eric the green light to take Russell out. But they won’t give him any assistance.

#7 - And the award to the stupidest character goes to . . . Jason Stackhouse (come on, you’re not surprised, right?). Crystal ties up the guy that assaulted her and Jason calls the cops, using a silly falsetto voice. Um, Jason used his own cell phone to make the call. Don’t you think Bon Temps has caller ID?

Unfortunately, one of the deputies, Kevin, went out to investigate the call and got beaten to within an inch of his life.

Also, I hope they bring back Sheriff Bud Dearborn. He was the voice of reason in the Bon Temps police department.

#6 - Sookie’s cousin Hadley confesses that she told Sophie-Anne, the Vampire Queen of Louisiana, about Sookie’s powers. She wants to know if her son, Hunter, has telepathic power like Sookie. Turns out, he does. Hadley freaks out and drags Hunter away.

#5 - Bill has a dream where he wakes up during the day in a beautiful, mysterious land. He sees Claudine who throws a lightball at him, just as Sookie did to Maryann Forrester.

#4 - Hoyt has a new girlfriend, Summer. Hoyt and Summer run into Jessica at Merlotte’s, where Jessica is working as a waitress. Can you say awkward?

Also, I don’t like Summer – she sounds like someone from The Fellowship of the Sun to me.

Hurrah! Looks like Hoyt doesn’t really like this girl – he’s still in love with Jessica!

#3 - Sam opens a can of whoop ass on Calvin Norris, Crystal’s father, who comes to Merlotte’s to take Crystal back home. Oh shit! Lafayette and Jesus put Calvin in the car to drive him to the hospital. Crystal goes with them.

#2 - While outside, Franklin Mott grabs Tara. Uh, Tara thought she’d killed him. Looks like Franklin still has a love jones for her. Whoa! Jason saves the day by unloading a wooden bullet into Franklin’s chest. Go Jason!

#1 - The episode ends with a news anchor being killed ON THE AIR by Russell Edgington! Russell then turns to the camera and tells the public that the AVL is covering up the fact that vampires still drink the True Blood, the blood that flows through humans. He tells them that vampires don’t want equal rights because humans ARE NOT the equals of vampires.

Funniest Lines from True Blood Episode 9 – Everything is Broken:
•  Jessica, trying to say something nice about Hoyt’s new girlfriend: “She seems . . . short.”

•  Russell Edgington, after killing an anchorman live, while on the air, says: “Now, time for the weather.”

Question for viewers: What name did Russell call when he made the statement about the weather? I missed the name of the weather person he called. Hit me up in the Comments section.

Check out next week’s True Blood episode called I Smell A Rat. Be sure to go to the end of the post to see Patty Griffin’s perform the song in Nashville.